nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
