do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
