you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently the secret to your success is patron
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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