it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
