Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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