Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
