god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
