oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Randomize
