I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
