She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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