Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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