i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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