Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
