The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
