I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
