I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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