non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize