Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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