So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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