The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
do herpes really smell.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
