What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
