Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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