Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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