i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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