The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
