I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
