I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
