Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
