wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
