my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
