what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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