I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
