I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
