this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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