I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
