It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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