pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
