We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
