okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
