conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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