if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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