Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
