So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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