i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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