I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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