Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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