sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
