I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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