i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
