Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
