when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
vagina is talking i cant
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
