the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
