What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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