it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
