just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
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I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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