I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
