So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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