I wish life had little blips of pornography
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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