I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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