Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
