So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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