Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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