Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
