Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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