I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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