My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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