She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
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Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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