I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
