I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
