TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
