seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
