I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
