it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
