I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize