Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
