I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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