God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
