if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize