this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
